Even a few months ago i was pursuing happyness. I was trying to do everything in my capacity to help my brother live. And i have failed. Big time. Cancer was stronger after all. I still can't believe that he is gone. And nobody prepared me for the days to come. For the emptyness i would feel and the sadness. But then how can anyone prepare you that your world is going to fall apart? Who can prepare you to watch one of the most beloved persons in the whole world dying? I keep thinking of the last breath. And i want so bad to turn back time. And do more, and try harder and keep him alive. How can i move on? How can i ever smile like i used to? I really don't get why someone had to suffer that much? I hate cancer cause it took away my brother. And it looks like there is nothing i can do about it. And it hurts like hell. So what shall i pursuit now? Happyness? How can i ever be happy again when a part of me died? I will keep trying for my baby boy, and for my family. But life will never be the same. I don't love glitters anymore and i don't love books either. Life has not treat me well and i don't know why
